Stay-at-Home Mom’s Difficult Day |
Working Dad’s Difficult Day |
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Slept fitfully through the night
listening for a child to come in scared of the storms, attacked by a
nightmare, upset for accidentally wetting the bed, or vomiting. Also because hubby snores.
Got up at 5:15 to pee and begin the ritual
waking-up-three-mile walk that will last until 5:45. It begins calmly and with false chipper-ness
and “Rise and Shine!” to, on the 10th or 11th pass
through the bedrooms, “Get your butt up now or so help me….!” Maybe I should start with that.
Gets two kids dressed and argues over
the third regarding what is and is not appropriate 9-year-old attire for
school. Luckily the kids can fix their
own breakfast while I either a)get lunches together or b)sign agendas and
field trip permission forms, or c)deescalate meltdown because 6th grader
just remembered a major project is due 1st period that was
assigned a month ago but he forgot or d)all of the above.
Finally get everyone ready and out the
door only 15 minutes later than required.
Ten minutes to first kid drop off at school across town, ten minutes
back to the interstate, twenty minutes on the interstate to next town
traffic-permitting to drop off other two at two other schools and make it
home by 8:00 to find dog mad at me because I didn’t let him come with us in
the car and the cat mad because everyone remembered to put the seats of the
toilets down and he now has to drink out of his own water dish.
Eat breakfast and catch up on a TV
show.
Do
dishes, laundry, or other chore until either a school calls because
one of my kids is sick or 1:30 so I can go sit in the carpool line for #3.
Then dodge police radar as I traverse the interstate to pick up #2 who is out
15 minutes later and when I pull up she is upset because she was almost the
last one picked up and she was afraid I forgot her. Then the girls get to watch Frozen again in
the car as we pick up their brother from middle school. The rest of the trip home is a cacophony of
“Let It Go” and whining because #1`has homework but wants to play Minecraft
instead.
We arrive home just before 4pm to find
Dad sitting on the couch playing a video game. The first words out of his mouth are “Hi
Kids.” The second words, “I had a
$#!++ day!”
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Sleeps through alarm at 5:00
Wakes up at wife’s 5:30 alarm
complaining that he didn’t sleep well and is now running late and Oh Hell!
Coffee has not magically made itself yet!
Dressed and heading out the door,
interrupts kids from brushing their teeth to give him a hug and kiss because
he is leaving.
Calls twenty minutes later to tell
wife how bad traffic is and gets upset because she can’t talk now—something about
a project due….oh well, will listen to radio for a while.
Gets to work to fix computers and
order people around and hear them complain about each other.
Attends meetings all day while playing
Solitaire in his Office.
Comes home after a hard day, and wife
is grumpy, which is ridiculous, because she doesn’t do anything all day.
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Thursday, May 15, 2014
How To Do Nothing All Day: Mom vs Dad
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Stay-At-Home-Moms are Lazy
I have three scary-smart kids. That is not bragging; that is fact. My youngest was multiplying and reading chapter books in Kindergarten, my middle-schooler is programming computers already, and my middle one falls somewhere in between when she is not being overly dramatic. They all managed to be accepted to three different magnet schools in our area, so I spend three hours of every weekday sitting in my car driving to and from schools, music concerts, and sports events. I wake up at 5:30 every morning to get them up and when I get home, I do laundry and dishes, maybe sit down for an hour to pay bills or write, or on rare occasions...nap. How I wish I had appreciated those when I was younger! When we arrive back home, I am helping with 6th grade, 4th grade, and 1st grade homework while preparing dinner. Then the bedtime ritual begins amidst arguing and remembrances of forgotten-to-the-last minute homework and my eldest forgot to practice his cello--I thought it had been quiet--so he wants to practice at 8pm when his sisters are heading to bed. Some days there are doctors appointments. My son has Asperger's Disorder so he sees his psychiatrist and my middle one has a bleeding disorder and is a streptococcal pharyngitis magnet. My youngest rarely gets sick, but every six months we go to the dentist for a cleaning. My husband works and is studying for his Master's which is apparently a lot more work than I do all day, but when he gets home I get to hear all about his difficult day as an IT Manager. Poor guy. A 30 minute meltdown by my son which has scared his sisters into hiding in their bedrooms has no comparison.
For a while I did this while working one to two jobs and volunteering with church and school events, which shouldn't have been too taxing, because I am lazy. I don't do anything all day: I am a stay-at-home mom.
There is no useful contribution to society as a stay-at-home mom, and God-forbid you should consider working after the kids leave the nest. During a brief stint as a recruiter for a well-known Fortune 500 company, I had found a wonderful candidate. She had been a stay-at-home mom for fifteen or so years, homeschooling her kids while volunteering as a fundraising coordinator for a local hospital. My supervisor laughed at me for putting her through the process and said that as a stay-at-home mother, she would not have the capabilities to enter the workforce again at that company. She hadn't been working for fifteen or so years, because volunteer work and parenting-related skills are not real skills. I guess I am screwed when my youngest heads off to college.
So I am an on and off again stay at home mom, currently on as my children's schedules are not conducive to working a "real job" schedule. I have tried your direct sales work-from-home businesses, but I am not an entrepreneur. I have two college degrees that are not paid for and not used, so that was money well-spent, but no real qualifications because I am a stay-at-home mom sitting here in my bunny slippers, munching on bonbons. Actually, it is laundry day (when is it not with five people in the house?)and I am between loads. So I sat down for a second to waste time.
Until recently, historically speaking, it took villages to raise children. Mothers' jobs were to stay home and rear the children while the husband earned the income off of which they lived. Now we are so spread out from our families, we try to and are encouraged to do it on our own. My husband's family is gone and my closest family is three hours away. If we have an emergency, it is up to my husband or me to figure it out. Because our kids are spread out in their schools, they do not have a lot of friends close by and the ones they do have are on different schedules. We have tried day cares, but that is not a village. That is having a babysitter while the kids raise themselves in my observations. That is not a slight on people who need day cares, they can be a wonderful option if you have none. After having my children in various day cares where a child's arm got broken by the teacher and things thrown at them, I have opted not to utilize day cares.
Also, having a child with special needs has proved to be a challenge when it comes to finding decent child care. Even in schools, we have had to fight for his social challenges to be seen as more than behavior problems. Now that he is in a new school that recognizes his quirks for what they are, we have been able to decrease his medicine and shorten his IEP. That alone has been worth the stigma of "not working."
The judgmental stares by fellow parents when my son would fall down screaming in the middle of the store used to bother me. I must be doing something wrong, because otherwise they wouldn't look down at me like that. Must be because I don't really work, because if I worked outside the home that would make me a better parent. (I kid you not, my train of thought has gone there.) Now, I don't care. Okay, I care a little, but mostly it just makes me angry. They don't know me or my son. They do not know how far he has come, just to learn to say hello to a classmate or to breathe through stress instead of screaming, etc. Just like there might be a good reason for pulling your kid out of a gifted program so he can play baseball. I don't get it, but hey, I am not that kid's parent.
I don't know a lot of the parents in my elder daughter's class because I am not available for every PTO meeting or field trip as inevitably, my younger daughter's school schedules events at the same time on the same day and they have to take turns. She also complains because she wants to have a sleepover with her friends, but many of her friends' parents will not let their daughters sleep over because she has an older brother. Whatever. He is not a predator. Sheesh!
The term "stay-at-home" mother is an oxymoron as any stay-at-home mother will tell you. I will bet they are rarely at home and when they are, there are plenty of chores to do there. I have heard the term "non-working mother" which is just as stupid. At any other job, if you filled the positions of trainer, teacher, chauffeur, cook, nurse, and counselor, your salary would be astronomical. So why do we look down on ourselves and each other for doing the same work for free?
For a while I did this while working one to two jobs and volunteering with church and school events, which shouldn't have been too taxing, because I am lazy. I don't do anything all day: I am a stay-at-home mom.
There is no useful contribution to society as a stay-at-home mom, and God-forbid you should consider working after the kids leave the nest. During a brief stint as a recruiter for a well-known Fortune 500 company, I had found a wonderful candidate. She had been a stay-at-home mom for fifteen or so years, homeschooling her kids while volunteering as a fundraising coordinator for a local hospital. My supervisor laughed at me for putting her through the process and said that as a stay-at-home mother, she would not have the capabilities to enter the workforce again at that company. She hadn't been working for fifteen or so years, because volunteer work and parenting-related skills are not real skills. I guess I am screwed when my youngest heads off to college.
So I am an on and off again stay at home mom, currently on as my children's schedules are not conducive to working a "real job" schedule. I have tried your direct sales work-from-home businesses, but I am not an entrepreneur. I have two college degrees that are not paid for and not used, so that was money well-spent, but no real qualifications because I am a stay-at-home mom sitting here in my bunny slippers, munching on bonbons. Actually, it is laundry day (when is it not with five people in the house?)and I am between loads. So I sat down for a second to waste time.
Until recently, historically speaking, it took villages to raise children. Mothers' jobs were to stay home and rear the children while the husband earned the income off of which they lived. Now we are so spread out from our families, we try to and are encouraged to do it on our own. My husband's family is gone and my closest family is three hours away. If we have an emergency, it is up to my husband or me to figure it out. Because our kids are spread out in their schools, they do not have a lot of friends close by and the ones they do have are on different schedules. We have tried day cares, but that is not a village. That is having a babysitter while the kids raise themselves in my observations. That is not a slight on people who need day cares, they can be a wonderful option if you have none. After having my children in various day cares where a child's arm got broken by the teacher and things thrown at them, I have opted not to utilize day cares.
Also, having a child with special needs has proved to be a challenge when it comes to finding decent child care. Even in schools, we have had to fight for his social challenges to be seen as more than behavior problems. Now that he is in a new school that recognizes his quirks for what they are, we have been able to decrease his medicine and shorten his IEP. That alone has been worth the stigma of "not working."
The judgmental stares by fellow parents when my son would fall down screaming in the middle of the store used to bother me. I must be doing something wrong, because otherwise they wouldn't look down at me like that. Must be because I don't really work, because if I worked outside the home that would make me a better parent. (I kid you not, my train of thought has gone there.) Now, I don't care. Okay, I care a little, but mostly it just makes me angry. They don't know me or my son. They do not know how far he has come, just to learn to say hello to a classmate or to breathe through stress instead of screaming, etc. Just like there might be a good reason for pulling your kid out of a gifted program so he can play baseball. I don't get it, but hey, I am not that kid's parent.
I don't know a lot of the parents in my elder daughter's class because I am not available for every PTO meeting or field trip as inevitably, my younger daughter's school schedules events at the same time on the same day and they have to take turns. She also complains because she wants to have a sleepover with her friends, but many of her friends' parents will not let their daughters sleep over because she has an older brother. Whatever. He is not a predator. Sheesh!
The term "stay-at-home" mother is an oxymoron as any stay-at-home mother will tell you. I will bet they are rarely at home and when they are, there are plenty of chores to do there. I have heard the term "non-working mother" which is just as stupid. At any other job, if you filled the positions of trainer, teacher, chauffeur, cook, nurse, and counselor, your salary would be astronomical. So why do we look down on ourselves and each other for doing the same work for free?
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